The "there-really-is-no-update" Update

I’ve told y’all before and I’ll tell y’all again: Joseph and I could not possible be more different.

• I am easy going, he is crazy.
• I am quiet and think before I speak, he has no filter. None.
• I listen to country while he listens to crap rap.
• I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, he is confident that he has everyone figured out in the first 2 minutes of meeting them.
• I am patient and always optimistic, he is impatient and admittedly a pessimist.

 …okay, perhaps I have us confused.

Yesterday was supposed to be our BIG day. I have been hanging my hat on this special day because it was supposed to be the day that we find out:

1. How much room they have to work with (if they go in and do surgery) before altering his speech/vision.
2. What the plan is going to be: a. cut “it” out or b. watch “it” and retest in 6 months.
3. Find out what “it” is.

 Yeah, that was what was supposed to happen. It didn’t.

The pessimist (yours truly) feels we are no closer than we were 3 weeks ago to knowing anything. The eternal optimist (J Mad) says I’m wrong.
  
Half empty, half full…
  
They had to do another functional MRI due to the fact that their software was broken. It got fixed this week and yesterday they redid (is that a word?) the MRI as well as the functional MRI. My poor man was in that tube for 3 hours! It took a long time because they had all sorts of people in there watching and learning since they don’t do many of these. One of the employees of the company that manufactures the software was even there. So while I think it’s terrible that they would do that to my man, he thinks it’s just great that others got to learn from his experience. Hmm, we really are different.

I digress.

While we are excited that we were able to get that done we are frustrated I am frustrated that Joseph was still unable to meet with the neurosurgeon. The doctor that he was supposed to meet with had a scheduling conflict so was unable to meet with J and is planning on doing a tele-conference with him next week. It is a bummer that they have to do it over the phone, but that is the only option since J will be in NYC for the next month. UGH. So frustrating.

At dinner last night, J was telling me all the positive ways to look at this. A.) The MRI showed that there had been no growth in the last 2 weeks. So whatever “it” is, is slow growing. B.) The functional MRI says that “it” isn’t near anything important. There are big words that J uses to explain this to me, but when he does all I hear is Charlie Brown’s teacher saying, “Whaaa-wha-whaaa-wha-wha-wha.” The two year old explanation I got (because that is about all I have the brain capacity for!) was that, “this would be like going and picking an apple off a tree.”

Had I known being a neurosurgeon was so simple, perhaps I would have been one. I can pick apples off trees.

And that, my friends, is the story. J will leave tomorrow for a month and I have no idea what will happen when he gets home. And I am really sad about it all. Really sad. I’m frustrated we have no answers and I’m sad that my man is going to NYC. It’s hard here without him. On all of us.

BUT, we are thankful that we can call him, Sykpe and that, God willing, he will be home in a month.

All we have is today anyway, right? And today we are blessed.

Random picture that brings me JOY!

Lily Kate looking at Luke.  He's totally unaware that this girl things he is the greatest thing in the world.  Lucky for her, he feels the same way!

Anyway, control is an illusion

I had a meltdown today. 
A pretty big one. 
Definitely some ugly cryin' going on at the Mad House.
I'm just so frustrated.

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I remember the first time that I was called a control freak.  It was about 10 years ago and it was by someone who I love like a Dad.  I completely balked at the idea that I, Sab-not-yet-Mad, the free-spirited girl, was a control freak.

He was right.

I didn't know it then, but I was/am a type A control freak.  It wasn't full-blown then, but by the time I got married and had Caleb, it was.  As the years have passed, I have gotten better, but am not cured.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.

I think that God is working on the cure.

Joseph had that Functional MRI last week and it was supposed to get read this week.  Well, Monday was a holiday, Tuesday the neuroradiologist was out (and apparently he is the only one who can read it), Wednesday he was really behind from the 4 day weekend and today we found out that it was done incorrectly and has to be done again.  On Monday.  So yeah, we were supposed to have a lot of information by tomorrow (Friday).  We will have none.

That was crushing news to me.  Totally crushing.  Love is supposed to leave in a few weeks to go to NYC for a month.  I'm okay with him leaving me and the kids, if I can prepare myself.  But I can't do that if I have no idea what will be happening in the next couple of weeks.  This type A control freak can hardly handle that.

I'm supposed to go to Colorado for 6 days for a yoga training at the beginning of October.  $700 paid, trip planned, childcare arranged...but I don't know if I will get to go because I have no idea what will be happening in the next couple of weeks.  This type A control freak can hardly handle that.

I feel totally helpless.  Out of control.  And I hate that feeling.  HATE.IT.

So, when I feel out of control what do I do?  Well normally I:

• Workout - Not cleared by the doctor yet for that
• Run - Definitely NOT cleared for that
• Steam clean carpets - tried that, but it causes pain in the area where my stitches are, so that isn't an option
• Eat - well, I'm trying really hard not to turn to that comfort..

Yeah, I'm out of options.

And I think that's right where God wants me.  I know that's right where God wants me.  Completely out of options, but Him.  In total surrender.

Mercy that.is.so.hard.

So I'm laying in bed, sobbing, crying out in anger at God.  That prayer where all I can say is, "I am so mad at you God" over and over.  I don't even want to pray, but I have no other options.

And I think that's right where God wants me. I know that's right where God wants me. Completely out of options, but Him. In total surrender.

Love comes in our room, holds me and he prays for me.  As he starts, I'm still telling God that I am angry at Him.  Then somewhere in that prayer, I stop sobbing, am no longer angry and have total peace.  That peace that you get when you surrender.

I think I'm right where God wants me.  Actually, I know I am.

Today I discovered...

1. It's so much fun to drive in the rain with your windows down.  The kids love it!  Car may get a little wet, but it's just water...right?  Oh, and driving the car in circles in the cul-de-sac, 20 times, will make the kids laugh with glee, but it will also make everyone in the car super dizzy.  Including the driver.
2. If you're stuck in the pick up lane at school for a ridiculous amount of time, listen to the Cure, Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder, and sing at the top of your lungs.  Makes time go by faster.  People may look at you oddly because the music is blaring and the windows are down in the pouring rain, but I think it's 'cause they are jealous.
3. Your kids will first look at you crazy when you strip off your clothes and run out the door to play in the rain and jump in the puddles, but then they will join you.  Then the neighbors will look at you crazy.
4. Studying at Starbucks is hard when you are eavesdropping on a couple trying to define their relationship.
5. If you want to be depressed, you should watch back-to-back episodes of Hoarders.
6. If you want to laugh hysterically you should look up Seinfeld & Scrub quotes.  Those shows crack me up!
7. Picking my kids up from school in my pajama's embarrasses them.
8. If I don't go to the gym I have a lot more time on my hands to get things done.  But somehow I seem to get less done. 
9. If you eat nothing but cheesecake and corn bread all day, by 8:12pm you want to throw up.
10. Life goes on and normal can be redefined.  SO thankful!

Hard times are inevitable

For years the prayer of my heart has been, “Lord, show me your glory. I want to see your face.”

But if I am honest with myself, I really only half-heartedly pray that. Because the truth is that while I want to see the glory of God, I’m petrified of how He will reveal Himself .

I’ve had hard times in life. Really hard times. Attempted suicide, drug addictions, physical abuse and more…my closet is dark and deep. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless and lost. So lost.

Then found. He found me. Well, I guess that isn’t true because he always knew where I was. I guess I found my way back to Jesus. It wasn’t easy, but it was sweet and quiet and hopeful and gentle. I spent a year away from everyone and anyone familiar and in that time God put me back together. He showed me mercy, grace, forgiveness and…well, he showed me His glory.

But it came after such a hard, hard, hard time. And that is why when I pray, “Lord, show me your glory, I want to see you.” It’s so half-hearted. I’m so scared that before I see his glory, I will have to see hard times.

My life is amazing. My kids are terribly naughty, but gorgeous, smart and healthy. My marriage can be hard, but so worth it. My man married a newly mended mess and provided love and security in ways I never knew. Daily he blows me away with kindness. I’m healthy, happy and loved. Yeah, I don’t take this amazing life for granted. I know I’m blessed.

Last night I was rereading Exodus 33:18, where Moses cries out, “Show me your glory” and for some reason I had never noticed verse 22.

21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

Is that awesome? “…cover you with my hand until I have passed by.” God covers his people. God protects his people. Because God loves his people.

Hard times are going to be an inevitable part of my future. I live in a sinful world. Hard.times.are.inevitable. But, as one of my favorite people in the world reminded me, I don’t want to miss out on seeing God’s glory because I live in fear. I spent too much of my life running, hiding and protecting my heart out of fear. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). God protects his people, because God loves his people.

Joseph had a brain tumor when he was 10 that had to be removed. The unofficial word on the street is that it’s back. He had a MRI a couple of weeks ago that showed growth in the area where his tumor was.  As a kid he had seizures from the tumor and lately he's been having auras.  He had a functional MRI last Friday and they also repeated the MRI. Those results will get read this week and we will talk to the Neurosurgeon this week too.

Hard times are inevitable.

But, God protects his people because he loves his people

Halfway there

Today officially marks the half way point to my six weeks of recovery from surgery. I can’t believe it has been 3 weeks. They have gone by very quickly.


Joseph started back on Monday. I was sad that he had to go back to work. I definitely could get used to having him around every day. He really was a-m-a-z-i-n-g through this whole thing. Just incredible. He did laundry, washed dishes, played with and took care of kids, waited on me, went to the gym daily and kept this place looking awesome. All that and did quite a few chores that needed to get done around here – painting furniture, trimming trees, changing oil, washing cars, steam cleaning carpets…really, need I go on?!

Yeah, I used to tell him all the time that if I fell off the face of the earth tomorrow, this place would fall apart.

I definitely can’t say that anymore.

I was wholeheartedly impressed. He’s a Rockstar!!!

I’m feeling better and stronger everyday. I honestly expected this recovery to take longer and be harder than it turned out to be. I went to see my plastic surgeon last week and she said everything looks fabulous. I agree. I couldn’t be happier with how the surgery turned out. Way better than I expected.

While I am feeling awesome most of the time, I’m definitely not ready to go back to working out yet. I still have 3 more weeks until I’m cleared for that and I definitely need those 3 weeks. I’m nervous to go back to CrossFit. Very nervous. I have a feeling I will get my booty kicked – hard.core. And that is something I’m not looking forward to.

Since I’m not a gym rat everyday, I have had to find things to do to keep myself busy. Have NO fear, sewing has taken my mind off the gym. Alert the media, I have learned how to gather fabric and now there is no stopping me. I’m also on a repurposing kick. Have you heard of it? I hadn’t until recently. Basically you take old clothing, furniture, whatever and make something new out of it. I made 2 new skirts for the Twinkies with some old workout tank tops that don’t fit me anymore. They turned out super cute, if I do say so myself. And I do. I’ll have to post some pictures soon.

What I have not been able to do yet, is steam clean my carpets. And it’s killing me. I know I will have arrived at full recovery when I am steam cleaning again. Oh, I can hardly wait for the day!

Happy Birthday Luke!

Lukie-Lou-McGoo! Happy birthday buddy!! To say that you have been looking forward to this birthday is an understatement. You have been making the list of who you want to invite to your party since May!


Luke, you continue to completely exasperate us in one breath and then you will have us rolling on the floor in the next breath. Honestly, you are something else. You are smart, charismatic, funny, spacey, loyal and all around in love with life. Your excitement over small things is contagious and when you get excited about something – it’s like you bubble over with joy. You’re not crazy about kisses, but love hugs. Caleb is still your favorite person in the whole wide world and you definitely have a sweet spot for your baby sisters.

In honor of your 6th birthday, here are 6 things I LOVE about YOU:

1. I love your eyes and how they are a window to your soul. They always tell a story of how you are feeling and what you are thinking. I look in them and melt.
2. I love your cheeks. They used to be so chubby but as you are getting older, they are slimming down. I still have to fight the urge to bite them!
3. I love how you talk with your entire body when you are excited.
4. I love that after you disobey, you are so sincerely sorry. And you almost always apologize without me asking you.
5. I love how you make a friend everywhere you go. People love you and you really love people.
6. I love that you are so artistic and imaginative.

Oh, Luke, how I love you.

My prayer for you, Luke, is that as you grow up you never lose your excitement for life and your love of your family. I pray that you seek God first in all that you do and that you live your life, purposely, to glorify Him. And lastly, Luke, I pray that you always know you are loved by your family and by your Heavenly Father. Happy Birthday Luke!

A happy first day of school!

My boys had their first day of school on Monday.  I officially have a Kindergartner and Second grader!!  AHHHH!  Somehow that makes me feel so old!

Luke was so excited about starting Kinder.  SO excited.  There were absolutely NO tears, no hesitation or even nervousness on his part.  Just excitement.  It helps that he went there last year for Pre-K and we really didn't make it a huge deal, you know building it up and talking about it a lot.  We did talk about it, but tried to find the balance of making it exciting without making it nerve-wracking.  It also helps that he is sitting next to one of his best buddies. 

Well, let me correct that, he was sitting next to one of his best buddies.  Apparently, that lasted 2 days before they talked too much and had to be separated.  All good things must come to an end.

I think the thing that he was most excited about on Monday morning was wearing his uniform.  Last year in PK he didn't wear a uniform, so he has seen Caleb wearing his now for 2 years.  I caught him looking at himself in the mirror several times - pretty proud of how he looked in his uniform!

Caleb was pretty excited too.  This is his third year at his school and he loves it there.  He, too, was super thrilled that a lot of the kids who were in his class last year are also in his class this year.  Including his best friend!  Oh, and the girl that he has had a crush on for a couple of years.  But we won't talk about that!

The new school year is so bittersweet for me.  I really am happy for them and feel so blessed that they go to school where they get to learn about Jesus everyday from teachers who really love and have a relationship with Him.  I love their school and their friends and that I get to be involved as room mama, but there is still sadness that they go somewhere without me everyday and have fun. 

See..these are faces of boys who know they are going to go and have fun.  And I really am happy for them.

The time has finally come!

It's official!
We no longer have babies on the house.
The other thing that we don't have in the house, for the first time in 8 years, is a crib!!
Check 'em out!

And here is their bunk bed!  As you can see, the top AND ladder are missing.  And they may be missing for a l-o-n-g time.  Or at least until they can control themselves and obey.  Yeah, a l-o-n-g time.  But then again, maybe it won't be so long because the bedding for the top is super cute.

Here they are laying in their bed for the first time!  They look so big in it!  It is a full size because I wanted to make sure that they had plenty of room, but they still sleep right next to one another and like it that way.

And here are my BIG girls.  I can't believe how old they look here.  Gosh they are delicious!!

The girls have been pretty good about staying in their beds.  Okay, maybe not pretty good, but at least they are sneaky enough to not get caught!  Not a good statement to be made about such cute little girlies!

Fatter, Dumber and Crazier

(I know dumber isn't a word and I really don't like the way it looks written out, but it does describe my current state!)


Fatter:
I am so blessed with the greatest friends.  Really.  I cherish them, value them and love them and tell people all the time that I have the most amazing friends.  They are all also beautiful.  Really.  I seriously don't have an ugly friend.  Now that I think about it, that's kinda weird.  Anyway, I'm digressing - They are all beautiful, smart, Godly, wives, mothers and friends.  So what does that have to do with the title of this?  Thanks for asking me and keeping me on task.  They also are amazing cooks.  They watch cooking shows, love PWC and always bring amazing dishes to potlucks.  And they also have been bringing over meals for us.  Good meals.  With desserts. Yummy desserts.  Very yummy desserts. 
So, here I am stuck in bed, bored, unable to exercise and really unable to do anything outside of my oh-so-exciting hourly walks to the other side of the house.  And on these very exciting walks, I walk past the kitchen.  And remember that there is yummy food brought by perfect, beautiful friends (who are all also thin and able to exercise -WITCHES!).  And so I indulge.  Therefore may possibly be undoing all the hard work that I, along with the help of my plastic surgeon, have done to this body.  I may see lipo in my future.  And maybe a Brazilian butt lift.  I can see how the plastic surgery thing could become addictive!

Dumber:
With all this extra time on my hands and Vicodin in my system, I have been watching a lot of television.  A LOT.  Yesterday I watched 4 hours of Bridezilla.  And was decidedly dumber for doing so.  I have, however, found a show that made me laugh so hard, I had to turn the channel and take another Vicodin because my stomach hurt so bad from all the laughing.  Have y'all seen Flipping Out?  Dude, this guy is...crazy!!
Which brings me to my next point...

Crazier:
I'm not really a sit around kinda girl.  I think that this is the longest that I have been in the house without anywhere to go or anything to do since...  Yeah, I'm going to be crazier than I was before.  Frightening.  And speaking of frightening, since I can't watch anything that makes me laugh (because laughing SERIOUSLY hurts) I'm stuck watching murder, mystery shows.  And thought to myself last night:  "What if being home and together so much, J finally can't take anymore of my insanity (and my begging him to wash my hair every day!!) and kills me while I'm sleeping?  Then blames it on an overdose of Vicodin!"  See...crazier!!

THE surgery

Well, I did it.  After years of talking about it, researching it, dreaming about it, thinking about it and most importantly praying about it, I finally went through with it.  Abdominoplasty.  Also known as a tummy tuck!

I've never had surgery before.  I've never been 'under" anesthesia.  Outside of having babies, I've never been in the hospital. 

I'm the girl that doesn't go to the doctor, doesn't take anything heavier than motrin (and that's how J can tell I'm really in pain and not just being a drama queen!) and hates to be sick.  I'm the girl that when I go to fill out paper work at the doctors office, I fly right through it because I have no medical issues to discuss.  And let's not forget that I am the same girl that went through not 1, but 2 ECVs because I was so petrified of the idea of a C-section.  And let me tell you, THAT was painful.  Very, very painful.

So when I told J that I really wanted to do this, he knew I was serious.  So we prayed about it and things just kinda fell in place.

J happened to have a huge chunk of time off (totally unexpected) and the surgeon that I wanted (whom was booked through to September) happen to get a cancellation, so yeah it all happened kinda fast.

And that was probably a good thing.

The week leading up to the surgery I kept super busy getting things organized for the time that I would OOC (out of commission) so that I wouldn't have much time to over think things.  There was a lot to get organized with school starting, finding people to sub my classes and just the general running of the Mad house with the 4 monkeys that live here.

When I woke up Wednesday morning - surgery day - I was pretty nervous.  J and I didn't say much on the ride to the hospital or while we were there.  I had done all my pre-admission stuff the day before and signed, like, 5,000 papers - 4,999 of which had the word death in bold letters.  As they were prepping me for surgery I made him pray with me a couple of times.I was so nervous that I was crying when my surgeon came in to talk to me.  Yep, I was a total mess.

UNTIL, my anesthesia kicked in.  That was about 8:45am.  I didn't wake up until 4:45pm.  Apparently I am a lightweight.

I woke up sore, but not terribly in pain.  I had an overnight stay at the surgery center and I am so glad I did.  I was the only one there, had my own nurse and best part yet - had a pain pump that I could control.  Seriously, if I got treated that well after childbirth, perhaps I would have had more children!

Yeah, so now I'm home and all things considering, I feel really good.  I have drains that J empties out for me and he said they look great and when I go in on Tuesday for my first post-op visit, my Dr. will probably take them out.  When I walk, it is a little hunched over, but each day even that has gotten better.  I really am surprised at how great I feel 3 days after surgery.  Yay!  Thank you Jesus!!

Everyone here is doing really great too.  J is holding down the fort, the kids are happy and playing, and our great friends are bringing us meals!

I have peeked at my stomach and think it looks WAY better that I imagined it would!  So far, so good!!

After reading this you will be glad I only had 10 minutes!

I have ten minutes to blog, so I will randomly tell you the top ten things on my mind right now. Mercy, are you in for a treat…

1. I’m still recovering from last week. I taught 11 classes, so worked 11 hours. Actually it wasn’t even 11 hours because some of those classes were only 30 minutes. Anyway, teaching that much confirmed what I’ve known all along – I NEVER want to work a full time job. Or part time for that matter. 11 hours was more than enough. Especially with four little Darlings home for the summer. Now, I may change my mind once I see that paycheck!

2. I’m currently reading, “How to have a new kid by Friday” and am on Wednesday. I will supposedly have a new kid in two days. Hmmm…if the meltdown that I had over the behavior of my children this morning is any indication of how we are progressing, I have serious doubts that this is working. Maybe they meant that a new child will be joining our house in two days…

3. I got a ticket last week at UTSA. I was there on a mission with my step-mom and while I have been am known for creating my own parking spaces, this time I parked in the garage I was told visitors are supposed to park in. And I got a ticket. Which is fascinating (LOVEY!) because when I make my own parking space, I never get tickets… Anyway, the ticket was $100!! So I get on the website to appeal the ticket and I see that the consequences of not paying the ticket are: 1. hold on transcripts, 2. hold on my grades, 3. hold on financial aid, 4. suspension of parking privileges OR… denial of graduation!! I just might take my chances.

4. The girls are taking their first dance class. Look how cute they are.

They LOVE it! So cute right?
WELL, this is likely to not only be their first dance class, but also their last! Unfortunate for them they are in jeopardy of being kicked out of their class. ((SIGH)) Really. Apparently they are disruptive and the entire class has had to be rearranged due to their behavior. This is so disturbing to me. People, I really did have it under control when I only had 2 children. Those twinkies – kill.me. Naughty. Then they say, with THE cutest little face, “I sawee I hab bad behaybor, mommy.” Melts me every time.

5. The “bad behaybor” is why I am petrified about putting them in the new bunk beds that we just got for the shishers! That and I’m not ready to acknowledge that we will no longer have a crib in the house! Seriously, we have had a crib in the house for the past 8 years of our 9 year marriage!! Deep breath.

6. Oh, by the by, we celebrated our 9 year anniversary last week. Cuh-ray-zee. I think I will write more about that another day. Maybe.

7. Speaking of plastic surgery – Oh, we weren’t? Well, we are now! I am thinking about having it. Have a consultation appointment for the beginning of August. There are many stipulations to this whole deal, so it may not even happen. I just wanted to give a heads up because…lately I have been running into friends that I haven’t seen in a while and all of a sudden…BAM! Wow, it’s so good to see you…and your new friends! Obviously they have had some girls join their team who weren’t there before. What do you say? How do you act? Do you acknowledge? Ignore? What I do is try hard not to stare. So, I’m giving y’all the heads up. Mine may, or may not, be easily noticed depending on what I have done. I know, frightening…

8. I taught yoga at my Crossfit gym last week. I was so nervous because I wasn’t sure that anyone would come. These people are hard core. So you can imagine how thrilled I was when 18 people showed up! We packed the house. I committed to teaching 8 free classes for the month of July, but they are already asking if I will keep teaching. How cool is that! We’ll see. Right now, things are on hold pending “PS”!

9. I’m running my first night trail run this Friday and very nervous. I haven’t run anything over 5ish miles (and only ran that ONCE!) in a couple of months. There will be burgers, salad and beer at the finish line. Food motivates me. Significantly.

10. For the past 2 weeks, I have stayed on top of the laundry. There has been almost none waiting for me in the laundry basket. I may have arrived. Nah…

Another sign that times are changing

I went out of town a couple of weeks ago and while I was gone, J said that when he went to get the twins from nap time he saw this:

Both sisters in the same bed!  Mercy.  I guess I should be surprised that it took so long!  We were thinking that it may only be a one time event, but alas NOT!  At this point they actually won't sleep alone.  Apparently, they like sleeping cramped together in the same bed.

Well, I wanted to know how they got from crib to crib, so I asked Ella to show me how they do it.  Here is her demo:

And viola!

Needless to say, we are on the hunt for new beds.  I guess it is time, afterall, they are 3!!  If only I could decide - bunk, captain, twin, full...  I need time to make big decisions.  What?  I've had 3 years!

Crazy, my little twinkies are 3!!  Ahhhhhhh....

Friday Night Ramblings...

What a week!

Earlier in the week we had another animal drama.  Caleb had been playing with Hammy Hamster Mad and put him in his cage before he left to play laser tag with some of his friends.  While he put Hammy in the cage, he failed to put the lid back on OR put the cage back up on it's high shelf.  About an hour after Caleb had been gone, Luke comes running to tell his Daddy that he told Titan Dog Mad to get his head out of the hamsters cage, but Titan wouldn't listen to him.  By the time J got in there the hamster was very wet and no longer alive.

UGH.

We had told Caleb numerous times that he needed to keep Hammy's lid on and keep his cage high, but you know...he's 8.  Needless to say that while we are all about 'real life consequences' we felt really bad for both Hammy and Caleb.  Caleb took it really hard.

So, off we went to buy yet another hamster. 

I know, most of you probably think that:  1. we are nuts - on so many levels 2.  this poor hamster really has no chance and 3. Titan is a murdering, savage beast and we should fear for the safety of our children around him.  You may be right one 1, 2 or all 3 accounts.  3 is probably the most far fetched, but if we are missing any children...  That joke was poor in taste.

But, let's blame it on Hurricane Alex.  That's what I'm blaming most things on these days.

Alex has brought a lot of rain to my little town and rain decidedly makes me lazy and tired.  I've stayed on top of the 'normal' duties around here, but despite having a lot of time on my hands I didn't do anything I didn't have to do.  I'm thankful for the rain - my grass really needed it.  And I'm thankful that my husband has been home almost all week to help with the kids and, oh, bring me breakfast in bed.

'Cause that's how he rolls!

Speaking of Joseph, he worked his first shift as a third year ER resident yesterday.  Can I get a woot, woot!  Gosh time is flying by.  This time next year we will...um, yeah, who knows what we will be doing.  J thinks that he wants to go on to fellowship.  I personally think that he needs to find an "Addicted to School Anonymous" group to join.  Seriously, there are times where he talks about going to seminary.  HUH?!(Sigh)  Good thing that I love that man and am willing to follow him to the end of the earth.

Have I mentioned lately that I really love teaching classes at the gym.  Love.it.  My students are inspiring and I love watching them get stronger and push themselves past what they think they are capable of doing.  I'm teaching 4 days a week right now - 2 trekking classes and 2 yoga classes- and I am having a blast.  Kinda feel guilty that I'm getting paid to do something that I love.  The money isn't a ton, but is so helpful for the 'extra's' around here. 

Well, I'm off to bed.  My workout this morning still has me feeling tired.  If you want a good butt kicking, do this sometime:

For Time

50 Box jump, 24 inch box
50 Jumping pull-ups
50 Kettlebell swings, 1 pood
Walking Lunge, 50 steps
50 Knees to elbows
50 Push press, 45 pounds
50 Back extensions
50 Wall ball shots, 20 pound ball
50 Burpees
50 Double unders

Cheers!

I never dreamed I would be a zoo keeper

While Joseph and I were dating, I talked about getting a dog.  All.the.time.  He promised that after we got married, we would get one.  Now that I think about it, we never really talked about having kids...but, mercy, did we talk about getting a dog.

So we get married, move to Minot and start the hunt for a dog.  A couple of months after our move and once we were settled in, we got Titan Dog Mad.  And that same week found out we were pregnant with Caleb.  How's that for timing?!

I don't know if it is because Caleb has grown up with Titan or if it is just in his temperament, but he loves animals.  Loves them.  No, seriously, LOVES them.  He studies them, reads about them and watches shows about them.  Hence the reason we have had a dog, turtle, lizard, fish, gerbil and most recently acquired a kitten.  If I would allow it, we would also have a ferret, monkey, bird, tiger, mouse, killer whale, chinchilla, rabbit, rat and iguana.  Did I mention he loves animals?

So you can imagine the drama that came while we were on our way home from our beach trip this weekend and we got a call from our house sitter telling us that Titan Dog Mad knocked over Rascal Gerbil Mad's cage and killed him.  Poor child was devastated.

For approximately 5 minutes until I suggested that he get a new one at the pet store.  Rascal Gerbil Mad suddenly became a thing of the past and he started begging for both a ferret and chinchilla.

We agreed on a hamster. 

Today, he and Daddy went and got Hammy the Hamster Mad.  This dude is huge.  Apparently he is still a baby and was the smallest one there.  Frightening.

He's cute and we all love him.  Especially Titan Dog Mad and Pretty Kitty Mad.

Welcome to my jungle:

My little animals.

This one makes me laugh!  Anyone for a game of chase:

I think they like each other:

Say cheese and smile:

This girl likes her shoes!

This is my girl Lily Kate.  And she LOVES shoes.  Hers, mine and even Daddy's!

Visit with Hannah

My SIL, Hannah, came from Alaska for a visit last month. We hadn't seen her in a while, so it was really great to visit with her. While she was here we went down to the River for lunch and here are some pictures from our afternoon.

Joseph and Hannah.  Can you tell their related?!

Sister, sister

Daddy and Ella

We're still here!

First let me warn you that I am in a coma induced by too many Oreo's, so if this post makes no sense...blame it on the sugar.

Hello my little blog. I do think of you often. The problem is not that I have too little to say. I have so much to talk about and out of a fear of sounding wordy, confused, disorganized, over-commited, non-committal, crazy and oh - MYSELF, I've neglected writing. My other big issue is that I have so much catching up to do that I wasn't sure where to start.

So I'm not sold that I'm going to try to catch up. I may or may not back post, I may or may not catch up. Who knows? But for now I'm just jumping.right.on.in. Ready or not...

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Caleb turned 8 yesterday and we had his partay this weekend. (I do have his birthday letter somewhere on this computer...) I cannot believe that I have an 8 year old. Mercy, time is flying by. That kid cracks me up! All his birthday presents involved toys for his animals OR gift cards to pet stores. His best present was given to him by his mama and daddy, his new little kitten Marble! Now, anyone who knows me knows I HATE CATS.

Okay, like I tell the kids, hate is a strong word. Maybe I don't hate them. But, I am definitely afraid of them. And I definitely don't like them. At.all.

But, Marble is different. She isn't a cat. She is this cute little furry kitten. Who totally makes me laugh and who is so cuddly!

So, yes, Marble joined our zoo house. And to say that Caleb is in love with her is an understatement. He cries out of nowhere and when I ask what's wrong he says, "I'm just so happy. I love Marble so much. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me!"

Makes the whole fact that we are having a hard time litter training her worth it. Almost.

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Joseph has been working 2 days a week for the past 3 weeks and it really has been fabulous! I'm wondering where he could find a job with these hours?

It has been a great thing, too, because I have been working a lot lately. And I really like it. There are two of us that teach yoga at my gym and the other instructor has been out of town a lot this month, so I have been subbing her classes. And then I picked up a Trekking class too. Love it!

Seriously having fun and getting paid for it. Can't beat that!

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I've been doing the Zone for about 7 weeks or so and this is the week of reckoning! I'm remeasuring and recalculating my body fat. I can't wait. I know, bizarre that I'm really looking forward to this...? I've lost 12 pounds and am seeing a number on the scale that I haven't seen in, oh I dunno, 10 plus years!! I'm healthier and stronger now than I have ever been. It's only taken me 3 years to get here. Better late than never, right?!

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The boys have been home from school for almost a month now and I really love having them home. Don't get me wrong, there are days where I'm losing it and I'm convinced someone is going to call CPS on me. Lucky for the kids their Daddy has been home a lot so the calls to CPS have been minimal.

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The twins took swim lessons this month and are convinced they know how to swim. They don't. taking them to the pool is frightening.

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We are going to the beach this weekend and I'm oh-so-excited. We rented a beach house with 2 other families that we love and it is going to be so much fun!! Between us there are 12 kids, between the ages of 2 and 11. The house has beach access, a pool and enough room for all of us..hopefully! Both of the families that are going with us are amazing and fun and we all laugh a lot together. Oh, and one of our friends surfs, so I'm looking forward to learning how.

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Alrighty, I think that is all for now. My blog needs some new pictures and a face lift, so since my man is working tonight and my boys are in Houston with their Nana I may take advantage of the girls going to bed early and work on my blog. Maybe...

Happy Birthday Lily Kate & Ella!

(Actual picture from their party)

Lily Kate, you turn 3 today!! Even though I know that’s not old, right now it seems ancient. You, my little girl, are something else. You talk all the time, love to help me and are quite dramatic. As I was telling the babysitter that you fell yesterday and hurt yourself, you heard me telling the story and ran into the kitchen to very dramatically fall to the ground right in front of us. Seriously, you have quite the flair for drama. You are also the little mama around here. When you are following me around the house fussing about nothing, I will distract you by telling you to go and tell the brothers they need to clean their room. Oh, mercy, you forget all about your mini-drama, immediately go into “little mama mode” and run to crack your whip. You make me laugh! Often and hard!

Katie, Kate – I love you little one. I love your gorgeous smile, the way you whisper when you want to tell me something really important and I love listening to you pray. Nothing brings me more joy than your love to pray. I pray that you never lose your love of praying to God and that you know at an early age that He will never leave you and will always love you. I also pray that you know how loved you are by your family, especially your mama.

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Happy birthday Ella! Sister, you crack me up. I was telling you the other day that you’re going to turn three and be a “big girl”! You said, “No! I baby!” You, seriously, have no plans of being anything other than my baby. You put up a brave front and act like you’re all tough, but your bark is way bigger than your bite. Gracie, you are currently obsessed with dora, dinosaurs and ME! Oh, mercy, you love your mama. You also love to twirl this lock of hair, while at the same time sucking your fingers. When you are watching a show and you get scared, you put your blankie over your eyes. SO, very, adorable!

Gracie, Grace – I adore you child. When I look at your little face, my heart swells with love. I love how content you are to sit in my lap and talk to me. I love that in your little world, everything is made better with a fruit snack. You are quite addicted to them. I love that whenever we are in the car, your window has to be “up” (which really means down and you refuse to call it anything other than “up”) and you like the radio loud. Very loud. Sweet Ella, I pray that you know, personally and passionately, Jesus to be your friend and your Savior. I pray that you are so filled and secure by God’s love that you never need any one else to love you. I also pray that you know how adored you are by your family, especially your mama.

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Holy God, please shower these girls with contentment, joy, respect, kindness, peace, and love. Fill their cups with those attributes so that they spill over on to everyone they meet. Father, please let them feel so loved by you and their earthly Daddy that they never feel the need to look for love. Please fill them with purpose and let them find that meaning and purpose at an early age. I pray that their lives glorify you and make you smile. Thank you for sending your son to die on the cross for them. And for me. I love you Father. Amen.

My little oaks

While looking at old blog posts and listening to hymns today, I sobbed. My kids are getting so big.

Caleb has beautiful cursive, is bright, thoughtful, loves animals and has a strong moral compass. He asks BIG questions. Things I have never even thought about before. While discussing evolution and the different theories he says, “So if their theory is that we evolve, what will we evolve into next?” Um, right? What will we evolve into next? Of course, I have no answers for him other than my standard, “Let’s ask Daddy when he gets home.” That child keeps me on my toes and some days can be mentally exhausting, but I can’t imagine life without him.

Luke, mercy, that child is something. His eyes melt my heart. He is so happy-go-lucky, simple, generous, funny and happy. He loves Caleb and so wants to be big like him. He definitely has the “middle child” thing going on where he likes to point out all the ways that he is either different or better than someone else. He has such a simple heart, loves to tell his sisters about God and has such an excitement for life. Lukie is the child that will have me frustrated beyond belief in second and in the next laughing…hard!

Oh, and then my sweet little sisters. Gosh, how I love them. Tomorrow is their big birthday. They have NO idea. I’ll wait until Saturday morning, the day of their party, to decorate their room. They are so funny, I have no idea if the decorated room when they wake to will scare them or make them happy? They are so fragile at times. SO girlie.

I was telling some friends the other day that Motherhood has really defined the word “bittersweet” for me. Tomorrow is another bittersweet moment. My baby girls turn 3. Gosh. Three. Wow.

Sweet Savior,
I don’t know why you chose me, with all my faults, as mama to these amazing, gorgeous children, but thank you. I’m a mess most of the time. And I can’t hide it from you or from these little lovies. Yet, you all still love me. I know I don’t deserve that love and am so humbled by it. Thank you for my little people. My heart is overwhelmed with thanks. Please, Lord, continue to grow these little oaks strong. Firmly rooted in your Word and love. And may they always know that I love them with all that I am. And that is also how I love you, Sweet Savior.