Normally Sabrina is the one that does all the blogs but I'm on Christmas vacation and thought I would take a little free time to write something down. The last 6 months have been a little crazy. I always thought I had faced some pretty hard challenges (i.e. the Air Force Academy and the first two years of medical school). However, I have come to the realization that the last several months of my life have been the toughest I have ever faced. Working 80+ hours per week, trying to make time to study, caring for 2 boys I don't see near enough of, and trying to help my poor wife who is suffering from morning sickness has pressed me farther than I knew was possible. Perhaps even more amazing than the difficulty of what I'm facing is how much I'm actually enjoying it. While I'm certainly not having immense quantities of "fun" all the time I feel like I'm getting the most I have ever gotten out of life. I am also seeing the most miracles I have ever seen. Perhaps not the Jesus walking on water things that the word miracle normally describes but just the everyday events that when you really think about it are nothing short of miraculous. For example, over the last year I have watched my two boys grow to become the best of friends. Don't get me wrong, the two get in more than their fair share of verbal and physical altercations but they always insist on having each others company, defend each other from any bullies or fathers who feel the need to tickle them, and are learning new ways to help each other out (even if it means sneaking onto the top shelf to steal some cookies). My two boys could not be more different (Caleb is sensitive and emotional, Luke is rough and independent). I have found that the parenting tricks that worked with one child are meaningless to the other. While this places a curve ball in my parenting strategies just watching the way God can take two children of the same family and turn them into two completely different beings is amazing.
And then there is Sabina. All those of you who know Sabrina and I know that there could not be two more different beings. Over the last 2 years as the demands of medical school have increased her independence and willingness to fill in the gap left by my absence have overwhelmed me. I think many of those who know Sabrina well would not consider her to be the kind of person ideally suited for following her husband into a career field where 80 hours a week is considered the norm. However, her love and support during medical school have been amazing. Perhaps more importantly, however, is her willingness to remind me where my priorities should lie. Medicine has a tendency to suck people into their jobs and leave all other aspects of one's life by the wayside. Simply put Sabrina will not tolerate such behavior. Her willingness to tell me when I need to spend more time at home with her and the boys has been the glue that has kept me from derailing into textbook oblivion.
And as if my life was not full enough God has granted us twins. Suddenly the Sabrina who was picking up a lot of the slack at home went from caretaker to care-needer. Unfortunately, I have neither the money or the time to provide her the daily help she needs trying to raise two boys and fight off morning sickness. So what is a guy left to do? Well, while God is always behind the scenes altering our lives in divine ways, never has it been so apparent as over the last 2 months. From our mothers helping out, a Christian nanny, church friends and classmates wives - God's provision has been amazing. It hasn't made life easy but he never promises us an easy life. He has, however, been amazing in providing us with sufficient grace.
Now as I tell people, especially classmates, about our twins I often get concerned looks. While their lips are saying "congratulations" their faces are saying "glad it ain't me." I'll admit that from a worldly perspective having twins during medical school in addition to two kids with a limited budget is crazy. I have heard people express concern about having enough money for kids, retirement, affording a nice car/house, etc. I'll be honest. I had no plans of having kids before I finished medical school and now I'm about to have 4 before I graduate. How am I supposed to be the father God has called me to be and provide for my family while fulfilling the calling God has given me. I have no idea but God has been faithful thus far and I have no doubt he will continue to be. I have nothing but joy in anticipation of the two new additions to the family. While it will certainly make life harder, it will also make life more fulfilling. While I don't get to drive a nice car, travel to exotic places, have a large bank account, or even have much time for hobbies what are those things really worth? What would I be willing to sacrifice for these things? To be honest, not a whole lot. However, for my wife and kids I would be willing to sacrifice it all. Perhaps a better measure of one possessions is how much do they have that they would be willing to die for. How about you? What do you have that you are willing to die for? Praise be to God for those gifts of such immense value.
Finally, there is my profession. The last 6 months have been amazing. The opportunity to take the last two years of knowledge and actually use it to heal the ill has been an incredible experience. As dorky as it sounds it is a high for me to use what I have learned to diagnose a disease and provide appropriate treatment. Since being a young child I have feared obtaining a career where I was bored and I'll admit I bore easily. Medicine appears to have provided me with an endless opportunity to learn new things and continuously challenge my mental abilities. In addition, the opportunity to serve others is amazing. Even little things like giving the wife of a dying man a hug have eternal significance. While Adam's sin requires us to spend our lives toiling in the fields God has blessed me with a calling where I honestly look forward to going to work each day. How many people can say that?
So what's my point. Most of us spend at least a portion of our lives seeking the "easy life." Americans especially are obsessed with living comfortably and yet we wonder why so many of us (especially men) lack significance. I am living the most challenging and exhausting months of my life and yet they are the most fulfilling. While when most people think of the "good life" it could not look more different from what I am going through, I have trouble imagining that anyone in this world is enjoying life more than I am right now. I'm sure if God allowed me to pursue my life how I saw fit I would be comfortable yet my spirit and soul would be withering. Instead, he has given me a wife, children, career, and lifestyle I did not expect and has blessed me with more joy and blessings than I ever imagined.
Don't they look like little TV sports anchors?!
