Sunday, April 17, 2011

C is for...

…one of my FAVORITE things in the world – Crossfit!! Really, I love it. There isn’t much that will get me out of bed at 5:30AM to go to a place that has no heat (freezing in the winter) and no AC (brutal in the summer).

And did I mention it starts at 5:30AM?

That is how much I love it. The workout. The people. The culture. Love it. We’re like a little family. Somewhat dysfunctional, but what family isn’t. We have a language – WOD’s, K2B, Kb swings, AMRAP, HSPU, GHD, OHS, PR, Rx… We may even be a cult!

Kidding. Sort of.

What I don’t love about it is that I no longer have smooth girlie hands. I now have calluses that I have to file down with an emery board. Seriously. How manly is that? I was actually mortified last week when I was teaching yoga and had to touch my class with my man hands. Yuck.

But while it is yuck, it is also a badge of honor. They remind me that I have to “work for it.”

Yep, I love crossfit!

On to another topic that starts with a “C” – crying. I have been doing a lot of it lately. I’m so sad to be moving in 6 weeks. I’m leaving familiarity, a job I love and some really amazing friends. To start over in a city where I don’t know anyone. What makes it harder is that we have been here for 5 years. For us that is a lifetime. Half of our marriage has been spent here, half of our kids were born here. We have really put some roots down here.

And the thought of doing it all over again overwhelms me.

I had two major meltdowns last week and a few mini-melts. I was trying to rent out a pool/splash pad for a combo going away/twins birthday party and found out last week that the only 2 nights in May that I can do it, are taken.

I have no plan B and the thought of coming up with one is too overwhelming, so I think that we’ll forgo a “goodbye” and try to do something to celebrate the Twinkies b-day. This is the year that they ‘get-it’ and are so excited about their party. I’d hate for them not to have one. Especially since neither one of the boys will have one this year. That is the bummer about summer birthdays. We won’t be here to celebrate it with friends and we won’t have any friends in our new town to celebrate it with.

All of that caused me to have a major sad moment.
In my pantry.
Because I didn’t want the kids to see me cry.

So when I am done with my melodrama I wipe my eyes, open the door to pretend that all is well, only to find all 4 little people standing outside the laundry room staring at me. Like I am crazy. Because I am.

C is also for C-R-A-Z-Y. I have a feeling there will be lots of crazy moments over the next 3 months. Afterall, I will be on my own for the move (man won’t even be in town when the movers come,) I will be on my own for the travel to our next destination, I will be on my own when it is time to unpack and I will be on my own once we get there (man hits the floor running when we get there).

Actually, I won’t be on my own. I will have my 4 little best buddies.

Yes, I have a feeling there will be lots of crazy over the next 3 months. Lots.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

B is for...

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you should do something, but talk yourself out of it? That is what happened to me at the Geek Squad counter a couple of months ago. And now I am kicking myself for it.

My computer had been having issues with keeping charged since last summer and has been in and out of the hands of the Geek Squad. I took it there, for the 3rd time, at the beginning of February and as usual they asked me if I wanted them to back up the hard drive on my broken computer. I said no even though something in me said to say yes.

I should have listened and said yes. Because now my hard drive is somewhere in a Geek Squad warehouse.

With all my pictures on it.

The pictures that aren’t backed up anywhere else.

When the Geek Squad dude told me that they weren’t sure they were going to be able to retrieve my hard drive for me I cried.

FYI – Geek Squad dude’s get really freaked out when you start crying. I don’t get the feeling they are great with emotion. They are, on the other hand, smart enough to back things up. Of that I’m sure.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

A is for ANIMALS

My sweet friend, Anna (hi Anna!! I got all caught up last night – mercy, those kids are getting big! And good job on the 5K!!), is doing a little bloggy thing on her blog and I loved the idea, so decided to play along. I’m not in with all that is going on in the blogging world. In an effort of full disclosure, I had over 150 unread posts in my Reader and finally made myself go through them last night. It was daunting, but fun to catch up on my peeps. Anyway I’m sure this little game has a title and origin that I should be citing, but I’m not. My personality: asking forgiveness is easier than asking for permission.

Now I don’t adhere to that motto in certain situations. Murder, adultery, conceiving children, declaring bankruptcy…you get the idea.

I digress.

So this little game is to help me to remember to write, give me thoughts when I have writers block (or feel brain dead, which is more likely the case) and help me learn my alphabet. I will have a letter of the day (think Sesame Street) and write something about my life based on that letter. I don’t know that these are the rules, but personality trait el numero dos comes into play here: I like to make up my own rules. For most things.

A is for ANIMALS.

I’m not an animal person. Don’t get me wrong, I think they are cute and all, but I can’t get past the smell, dirt and worse: GERMS. I’m a germaphobe. It’s getting worse as I get older. And have more kids. (Reason #7,263,384 why I think we are abstaining from having kids.) But while I am not an animal person, I also hate the idea of anything living not being loved or cared for.

This might have something to do with my adoption. If I had a therapist, I would explore this further. Good think I don’t have a therapist.

Back to animals – because I have this heart for all living things, we are now opening a refuge in our home for animals. We didn’t know we were opening one, but the word got out among four-legged-furry-people.
A couple of weeks ago, my sister unintentionally (so she says) brought home 2 very cute strays. We, initially, didn’t know they were strays. We thought they belonged to someone. How could they not? They were so sweet and cute! So we make posters (including pictures taken by the talented Caleb Mad) and placed them all over our neighborhood, surrounding neighborhoods and vet offices. I took the dogs to the vet to see if they had micro-chips ( they didn’t,) put posts on CL and even on the Pet Amber Alert.

And heard nothing.
And are moving in 2 short months.
With 4 kids, 1 cat and a 110 pound yellow lab that could be mistaken for Clifford if he was red.
Who is really going to rent to us with that drama? I wouldn’t rent to someone with that drama.
Which is why JMad said NO to keeping 2 more dogs.
Even though we all fell in love with them. They were so sweet and cute.

Anyway, long story short, after trying to find them homes, giving them a bath, getting rid of ticks, calling NO-KILL shelters all over the city and having all 4 of my children (as well as myself and my man) fall in love with them, we finally found a NO-KILL shelter (an hour away) that could take them. For a $200 “surrender” fee.

Yes, “surrender” as though they were ours. Really.

And while I hate the term “surrender” and hate that it cost $200, I am thrilled that we found a nice shelter that was going to try to get them adopted together.

Thankfully I was at a yoga training and JMad was home because in all honesty, I don’t think I could have taken them there and dropped them off. Apparently everyone was a mess, but especially Caleb. For that matter if there is mention of Spot and Spotty (he named them) he will break into tears.

So we don’t talk about them.

And now he has another 4-legged obsession. Charlie Bear. We are watching our friends dog (I told you we are becoming a shelter!!!) and the kids (and Titan) are all in love.

I really don’t like animals. But I’m going to try to convince JMad to get another dog when we get to Denver. Shhh. Don’t tell him.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

I'm still here!

Wow, it has been a long time since I have blogged. I don’t know if I have, in my 6 years of blogging, ever gone silent this long. Life is super busy. And I have been super busy living it. I haven’t had a ton of down time to write. But I really miss my blog. I love looking back and seeing how I felt, how life changed and seeing old pictures of my kiddo’s. So, I’m back. For today anyway.

I haven’t the time to catch up on what is happening, so I will begin with what is currently happening. We are moving. Trying to plan a trip this summer to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (holy.cow. how has it been that long??!!) J is travelling a lot. And graduating from residency. My little Twinkies are turning 4 next month (again: holy.cow. how is that possible??) Caleb is winning speech meets and art contests. And Luke is trying to learn that life can’t always be about having fun. But, if you want to have fun, he is the guy you want to bring along!

And that about sums life at the Mad House up.

Sort of.

I am feeling super nostalgic lately. And I have mixed emotions about almost everything in my life.

My kids are growing up and still exhausting, but in a different way. Mentally they wear me out. I have a heightened sense that we are half way through Caleb’s life as a child. There is so much to teach him and so much I want him to know before he leaves our home, to begin his life as an adult. I feel like I’m running out of time, not doing a good job and I’m frustrated that he has a mind/will of his own. This whole parenting thing would be significantly easier if kids were robots. Easier, but probably not near as much fun!

My husband is finishing up residency. A day we have been waiting for and looking forward to, for a long time. Unfortunately he is moving on to fellowship, something I never saw in our future. I don’t want to go to fellowship. I’m not sure it’s the right decision for our family. But J does. He really is excited about it. And I love him and I trust him, so we are going. In 7 short weeks. Oh, mercy.

My twins are about to turn 4 next month and I can hardly believe it. I was at my last Mother’s of Multiples sale last weekend and was watching a slide show of newborn twins, when all of a sudden I started crying. It seems like that was just yesterday and while it was so hard, it was so amazing and worth it.

Isn’t that the way it is with the most amazing things in life – hard, but worth it?

Today is my adoption birthday. It is always a bittersweet day for me full of mixed emotions. On one hand I am so happy that my parents chose me to be their little girl. On the other hand, I am reminded that in order to be chosen by my parents, I had to be rejected by my other ones. 34 years later, that is still hard.

I was talking to the boys about my adoption and they were too cute for words.  Caleb cried because he said he hated that I was "in a place where you didn't know anyone."  Luke listened, didn't say much and then handed me the most precious letter that said, "I Love You Mom.  You we're the Best Mom.  Ime Sary that yor mom and dad didint Like You."  Seriously, how delicious are they?!

Adoption is hard all the way around.  But, isn't that the way it is with the most amazing things in life - hard, but worth it?