Thursday, April 07, 2011

I'm still here!

Wow, it has been a long time since I have blogged. I don’t know if I have, in my 6 years of blogging, ever gone silent this long. Life is super busy. And I have been super busy living it. I haven’t had a ton of down time to write. But I really miss my blog. I love looking back and seeing how I felt, how life changed and seeing old pictures of my kiddo’s. So, I’m back. For today anyway.

I haven’t the time to catch up on what is happening, so I will begin with what is currently happening. We are moving. Trying to plan a trip this summer to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (holy.cow. how has it been that long??!!) J is travelling a lot. And graduating from residency. My little Twinkies are turning 4 next month (again: holy.cow. how is that possible??) Caleb is winning speech meets and art contests. And Luke is trying to learn that life can’t always be about having fun. But, if you want to have fun, he is the guy you want to bring along!

And that about sums life at the Mad House up.

Sort of.

I am feeling super nostalgic lately. And I have mixed emotions about almost everything in my life.

My kids are growing up and still exhausting, but in a different way. Mentally they wear me out. I have a heightened sense that we are half way through Caleb’s life as a child. There is so much to teach him and so much I want him to know before he leaves our home, to begin his life as an adult. I feel like I’m running out of time, not doing a good job and I’m frustrated that he has a mind/will of his own. This whole parenting thing would be significantly easier if kids were robots. Easier, but probably not near as much fun!

My husband is finishing up residency. A day we have been waiting for and looking forward to, for a long time. Unfortunately he is moving on to fellowship, something I never saw in our future. I don’t want to go to fellowship. I’m not sure it’s the right decision for our family. But J does. He really is excited about it. And I love him and I trust him, so we are going. In 7 short weeks. Oh, mercy.

My twins are about to turn 4 next month and I can hardly believe it. I was at my last Mother’s of Multiples sale last weekend and was watching a slide show of newborn twins, when all of a sudden I started crying. It seems like that was just yesterday and while it was so hard, it was so amazing and worth it.

Isn’t that the way it is with the most amazing things in life – hard, but worth it?

Today is my adoption birthday. It is always a bittersweet day for me full of mixed emotions. On one hand I am so happy that my parents chose me to be their little girl. On the other hand, I am reminded that in order to be chosen by my parents, I had to be rejected by my other ones. 34 years later, that is still hard.

I was talking to the boys about my adoption and they were too cute for words.  Caleb cried because he said he hated that I was "in a place where you didn't know anyone."  Luke listened, didn't say much and then handed me the most precious letter that said, "I Love You Mom.  You we're the Best Mom.  Ime Sary that yor mom and dad didint Like You."  Seriously, how delicious are they?!

Adoption is hard all the way around.  But, isn't that the way it is with the most amazing things in life - hard, but worth it?

1 comment:

Michele said...

Life can be hard. You have been chosen again and again and Again. Still, I understand that there is that place that is hard to fill.

Bless you today!

ps Eli is 10 today. I wasn't prepared for how it feels for your baby to be double digits. A definite shift.