Monday, September 06, 2010

Hard times are inevitable

For years the prayer of my heart has been, “Lord, show me your glory. I want to see your face.”

But if I am honest with myself, I really only half-heartedly pray that. Because the truth is that while I want to see the glory of God, I’m petrified of how He will reveal Himself .

I’ve had hard times in life. Really hard times. Attempted suicide, drug addictions, physical abuse and more…my closet is dark and deep. I know what it feels like to feel hopeless and lost. So lost.

Then found. He found me. Well, I guess that isn’t true because he always knew where I was. I guess I found my way back to Jesus. It wasn’t easy, but it was sweet and quiet and hopeful and gentle. I spent a year away from everyone and anyone familiar and in that time God put me back together. He showed me mercy, grace, forgiveness and…well, he showed me His glory.

But it came after such a hard, hard, hard time. And that is why when I pray, “Lord, show me your glory, I want to see you.” It’s so half-hearted. I’m so scared that before I see his glory, I will have to see hard times.

My life is amazing. My kids are terribly naughty, but gorgeous, smart and healthy. My marriage can be hard, but so worth it. My man married a newly mended mess and provided love and security in ways I never knew. Daily he blows me away with kindness. I’m healthy, happy and loved. Yeah, I don’t take this amazing life for granted. I know I’m blessed.

Last night I was rereading Exodus 33:18, where Moses cries out, “Show me your glory” and for some reason I had never noticed verse 22.

21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

Is that awesome? “…cover you with my hand until I have passed by.” God covers his people. God protects his people. Because God loves his people.

Hard times are going to be an inevitable part of my future. I live in a sinful world. Hard.times.are.inevitable. But, as one of my favorite people in the world reminded me, I don’t want to miss out on seeing God’s glory because I live in fear. I spent too much of my life running, hiding and protecting my heart out of fear. Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). God protects his people, because God loves his people.

Joseph had a brain tumor when he was 10 that had to be removed. The unofficial word on the street is that it’s back. He had a MRI a couple of weeks ago that showed growth in the area where his tumor was.  As a kid he had seizures from the tumor and lately he's been having auras.  He had a functional MRI last Friday and they also repeated the MRI. Those results will get read this week and we will talk to the Neurosurgeon this week too.

Hard times are inevitable.

But, God protects his people because he loves his people

7 comments:

The 5 Rohrers said...

Praying God continues to reveal His glory to you, ever-so-gently and lovingly! And praying for healing for Joseph!

Elizabeth said...

Oh Sabrina, I have tears in my eyes. Your post is beautiful, and the end just makes me hurt for you so much. God's glory is so magnificent yet so hard for us to accept sometimes. Don't hide from it! Because He IS protecting you and Joseph and your babies.

Michele said...

You can trust Him. Even in these days. Praying, love you all. You are wise and you are strong.

Sincerely Anna said...

My first thought after reading this is that verse in Psalms: "when the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm." (Ps 75:3) Praying He reveals His protective hand in all things with all of this. You're both in my prayers!

matt n karisa said...

Praying for you guys!

Becca said...

Sabrina, thank you for your post. I really enjoyed reading it. Hard times are inevitable, and that's one of the reasons God sent us down here. We need to learn from those. I'm so sorry to hear about Joseph. I will definitely remember you in my prayers, and I will let Jake know too. I'm sure that he will pray for you guys too. Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you, seriously!

wherelifebecomesart said...

Wow, I've been away from all things "bloggy" for so long. I am so happy to be back reading yours. what a beautiful, raw, exposed, heartfelt post. I wish I had the faith you did. It's something I really want to work on. Also, my prayers are with your and your family.