Who's Wilson you say? Wilson is a name that Sabrina and I gave to my brain tumor (after the volley ball in the movie "Cast Away"). Not sure why but we decided he needed a name. So Wilson visited me as a child and a very skilled neurosurgeon took him out when I was eleven (or so we thought). Apparently he has officially made a comeback and I need to have surgery again to get rid of him. I'll admit I don't have fond memories of Wilson's removal. It involved a severe headache, vomiting, a lot of time spent in bed and, of course, who can forget the fear of death or permanant brain injury. Don't get me wrong, this surgery should be a relatively easy one but working in a hospital has taught me that there are no guarantees.
Now this may come as a surprise but Wilson is actually a blessing. Granted, if I could magically make him dissappear I would, but Wilson has done a lot for me. As a child I was suddenly forced to face the question of what will happen to me if I die. This is not fun at any age, especially at 11. Yet, it really made me get down on my knees and cry out to God. It brought me to that all important realization that I am not in control. It also made me realize that I cannot gain my way into heaven by works, self-established faith, bribery, or anything except for the grace of God. It also made me realize that the point of life is not to seek my own glorification, but to seek God's glorification. I don't know that I would be a believer today if it weren't for Wilson.
I thought maybe I had lost some of that peace I had obtained as a child but the second I heard Wilson might be back it enveloped me again. This time Wilson has taught me to trust God with even more. As a child I just had to trust God to take care of me. Now, I must also trust him to take care of my beautiful Sabrina, my 2 wonderful boys, and my 2 little sweethearts. Wilson has strenthened my faith, he has strengthened Sabrina's faith, and he has even strengthened the faith of strangers. If my suffering can bring even 1 person into a loving, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ then it is completely worth it. I realize that it will be hard for Sabrina and my children if the surgery does not go well, but I also realize that there is no void I could leave behind that cannot be filled with the love of Christ. My God is a powerful God, a gracious God, a loving God, and a merciful God so I will follow him through this valley clinging to Him and to His promises.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the price for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Phil 1:21
"Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'" Luke 23:43