I've named the past week, "Out of my comfort zone week." It seemed all week I was being asked to do something that was outside of my comfort level or where I felt out of control.
And I really, really, really don't like feeling out of control. Apparently God forgot that last week.
For the past couple of months I knew that my first "out of my comfort zone" moment was coming. And as I do with most things that make me nervous, overwhelmed or scared I put it on the back burner and decided that I would deal with it as it came. Never a good idea.
I was asked to come and speak to the program directors and deans of Love's residency program. It wasn't just his program director, it was all the residency PD's. The topic that they asked me to speak on was the stress in residency from the prospective of a spouse. Something I know ALL about. They also wanted ideas of things that they could do to help Resident Spouses cope with this stress.
Um, how 'bout give them resident's a 40 hour work week?
Realistic ideas, I should clarify.
They wanted me to give a Power Point presentation and then take some questions afterwards. Um, I don't know how to give briefings to anyone OR how to even use Power Point much less make slides! Um, hello, ask me to give a talk on how to get melted crayon out of clothes and I may be there. But, definitely not with PP slides.
This is also the point where I would like to tell you that I did take Speech in high school. And did not do well. Something about chewing gum and twirling hair while speaking. Oh, and this may have had something to do with it as well. I actually gave this as a speech. There were more lyrics, but you get the point. And no, I am not lying.
So now that you have the background, you can see why I was having some bad flashbacks right up to giving my briefing. Oh, and I was sick and up the night before with a sick child. When it rains, it pours.
Yep, that was an out of my comfort zone moment.
My other one occurred this weekend. It, too, I have known about for months. But seriously, people, I have so much going on that if it isn't happening today I am really good at shelving it at the back of my mind to make room for the craziness of this moment.
Anyway, I went to a Body Flow training weekend. I think I told y'all about it. I didn't know if I would like it or not. It isn't traditional yoga and is run by a fitness group that gets on my nerves, but the gym was paying for me to go (knowing full well in advance that I may or may not teach it in the end) so I decided to give it a try. Body Flow is a combination of Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates. I could seriously write a book on the events of this weekend, but for your sake (and mine - I really don't want to relive it!) I will keep this short. (Or as short as I know how to keep anything...)
I suck at Tai Chi. Bad. Really, really, really bad. And because I have the worst luck in the whole wide world (or because God wants me to learn something - hmmm, go figure) I was chosen to teach a choreographed tai chi opening to the group. And it was bad. Really, really, really, really, really, really bad. And the trainer told me so. In not so kind words. In front of the whole group. And I cried. In front of the whole group.
Yeah, definitely not a comfort zone moment.In my defense (because apparently I still need to defend myself!) I only had 10 hours to learn the choreography and needed to sleep somewhere in those 10 hours and I had never even seen tai chi until that day. SOOOO out of my zone.
Um, yeah, so I had to have a come to Jesus moment and remind myself of who/what defines my self worth. And then I got to teach yoga standing poses in front of the group and apparently redeemed myself to the group and trainer. Her wording choice was...interesting and went something like this:
"Can I be brutally honest? (Because you held back during my tai chi feedback?!) That person yesterday, I hope I never see her again. I don't know what that was yesterday. It was frightening. This was much, much, much better. A thousand times better than yesterday. It was fantastic. Yesterday was awful. After yesterday I was praying to God that I was right and you could teach. I'm so glad I was right."
Seriously, do you like how it's all about her? There were more words in there, but you get the gist.
Needless to say, I told our group exercise coordinator that I just don't think that Body Flow is for me. I love traditional yoga (shocking that I did much better when teaching something I KNOW!!!) Breathe and let go...
(Exhale) Okay, I'm centered. So, yeah, those were a few of my out of my comfort zone moments. Anytime you are reading my blog thinking, "Oh, she has it all together and does everything, blah, blah, blah..." Just remember, I suck at tai chi (and for the sake of honesty I'm really suck at math too). And I don't know that I have every used the word "suck" ever on my blog and if I have it has definitely not been this many times!
OH, and you will be relieved to know that after much digging, I have found all the words to that terrible speech I gave back in high school. This ought to give you a glimpse of the kind of student I was:
Imagine all that while I'm chewing gum and twirling my hair. THAT is frightening.
BTW - I really am an introvert stuck in an extrovert's body. And as an introvert, I don't like to speak in front of groups of people. And while I'm thinking of it, I'm also a homebody, stuck in the body of a busybody. I really need to let these inner selves out more often...