Sunday, August 23, 2009

Life is really bittersweet

Apparently today isn't the day to make big decisions about the 'ole blog. I have been feeling super nostalgic/guilty/sad/overwhelmed/melancholy...and all these other feelings that aren't typically part of my personality, a lot over the past week. And I know what the culprit is - back to school time.

I can't believe that Caleb will be in first grade and that Luke will be in full time Pre-K. The thought of only having the little twins home all day brings me to tears.

Life is flying right by me and I'm so not ready. I'm not ready for summer to be over, I'm not ready for Caleb to be in first grade, I'm not ready for Luke to be in school all day, I'm not ready for the twins to grow up, I'm not ready for homework or potty training and I'm not ready for my kids to grow up.

I want to hold on tightly to them for as long as I can and never let go.

But that's not what a great mama does. A great mama opens her hand slowly to expose her children to life around them. She uses each day of their childhood to prepare them to be the Godly men and women that God has created. As they grow up, she helps them learn the purpose and plan that God has for them. She doesn't shelter them and hold too tightly to them. She remembers that they aren't hers - that they are being entrusted to her for a short season. She knows that at the end of that season, they will fly away and she prays that they will always know she loves them and will always be there for them.

Oh, Holy God, please help me to be a great mama. My heart is so heavy and my eyes so full of tears. I love these little people that you have given me and am so thankful that you chose me to be their mama. Help me to find joy and laughter tomorrow. You see how excited my babies are to go to school, help me to be happy for them and excited with them. Help me to appreciate the time that I have with the Sisters. And most of all help me to remember that these babies aren't mine. They are yours. I love you Jesus and am so thankful for these little blessings. Gosh, I don't deserve them and that makes them even that much more special.



Sincerely Anna said...

I know exactly what you mean - beautiful heartfelt prayer. Love ya!

Karen said...

Sabrina, thank you so much for that wonderful reminder.

Elizabeth said...

I know this feeling well, and it's always exacerbated by the start of school. I miss my babies so much every day.

This post encourages me. Their time at home is a season and their time in school is too. Each one will be bittersweet in it's own way, I suppose.

I'm praying for you, sweet mama!

Jessi said...

I'm still 2-3 years from feeling similar feelings of sadness and excitement...right now, I just feel like this will *never* end and can't wait until the kiddos are in school.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and sweet prayer...what a beautiful reminder that time does pass quickly and we are entrusted with our little ones for only a short enjoy the time we have with them.

Praying for you. You have such a sweet heart for your babies...they are truly blessed.

Melonie said...

I was praying for you today! I hope you and your precious kiddos each had a wonderful day. You are an amazing mom, and your children are so blessed to have you! Thank you for sharing your heart.