Take a deep breath!

Tomorrow my first born child goes to kindergarten and I am overwhelmed and completely unprepared! It just occurred to me yesterday that I have to pack the boy a lunch. H-e-l-l-o... I am so not ready for all this!

So, in typical Sab Mad fashion, when I feel out of control what do I do? Make lists. Sometimes lists of lists I want to make. Can you say, "control freak?" One of the list that I made was for Caleb. My desire for the morning is that it runs as smoothly as it possibly can while trying to get 4 kids out of the house and in the car by 8:10 am. Some of you may not think that is a big deal, but please put into perspective the fact that I am not normally out of bed until 8 am! This is a big feat for me!

And to make it easier I made a chart for Caleb. Here it is:

...seems like a lot huh? I know, I think so too. But I think he can do it! He will be getting up almost an hour earlier than normal. When I say "up" let me clarify. Caleb is my child that is awake before anyone else in the house. Years ago, we trained him to stay in bed quietly until his alarm goes off at 7:45. Now, for school, he will be getting up at 7 am and he is so excited about that! Luke will still have to stay in bed, but only until 7:30.

The other thing that we are going to start working on is his quiet time with God in the morning. I will have to help him with that, so that will mean that I will have to get up earlier to have mine before I help him with his. Whew! - that is going to be a challenge, but something that I really want to make a priority. I also want us to work on learning a bible verse in the car each week together. I think that this will be made easier by the fact that he will have to learn some verses for school. It will be good for Luke and I to learn along with him.

Lofty goals for all of us, huh?!

I'm not quitting my day job!

Last weekend my very gorgeous friend, Rebecca, emailed me to ask me if I was interested in a modeling job.

Hmmm...me, modeling? I have absolutely *NO experience modeling and am not photogenic, but.. $125 for four hours?! I'd love to!

So a couple of days ago Maggie, the photographer, came to my house and we took some pictures here and then went on location. Location, doesn't that sound so official?

I'm not sure how the pictures will turn out or if they will be usable, but I had fun and found it exciting!

While this is another thing that I can add to my resume, I think that it is pretty safe to say that I have not found a new career!!

The above picture is of Maggie taking a picture of me "reminiscing" over my wedding photo's.

Super Fun Family Day!

Joseph was off today and we went with some of our favorite friends (their Daddy was off work today too!!) to the children's museum that is about 45 min away. I had heard that it was good and was pleasantly surprised at how amazing it was! They had something for all ages and the kids had a blast!! So did the parents!

Ella trying to hang with the big kids and play with the trains.
Sweet Lily Kate playing with puzzles.
They had a face painting station where Joseph practiced his art skills on Caleb's face.

If this doctor thing doesn't work out, Joseph could always join a carnival and work as a face painter!
Luke and his "best girl" Rayna. Isn't that cute?! He calls her his "best girl"!
Luke and his "best buddy" Luke!
Luke and R2-D2. I love this kid! Look at the serious look on his face and his salute! SO cute!



Caleb loving on his sisters.
Aren't my little Twinkies adorable?

The best buddies! (check out Luke's pose! what a nut!)
The Pigtail Sisters!
Aren't they gorgeous?!
One of my favorite things about the twins is that they have no personal space with one another. They are always crawling over on another, laying on one another, grabbing at each other...and rarely to they get upset about it!
Don't you love the cute little furniture?
The girls love to pull one anothers hair!
I asked if anyone was ready to go have lunch...Ella raised her hand!



This is Lily Kate on our way home...exhausted!

And look at crazy Ella. 1 pigtail in, lunch still on her face... What a mess!

Late night ramblings

I haven't blogged in a while...have y'all noticed? Life is busy, full and flying right by me. On top of all that, I've not been able to find my blogging voice lately.

My Mothers of Multiples sale, over the weekend, went very well. I sold quite a bit. I arrived with 4 bins stuffed full of clothing and left with 1 loosely stuffed bin. The Love was thrilled about that. He thinks these sales are ridiculous. If Lovey Maddry was the stay-at-home Papa, he would have just dropped the stuff off at Goodwill. Never in a million years would you catch him tagging clothes, running in to shop with other bargain shoppers (it reminded me of shopping the day after Thanksgiving!) waking up early to work the sale and then loading up all the stuff that didn't sell in the car to do it all again next Spring. Never in a million years. But then again, if he was the stay-at-home Papa, he also wouldn't spend remotely as much money as I do and we would only be eating pancakes or mac-n-cheese.

Good thing he has a "real job".

The boys start school next week and I can't believe how fast the summer has gone by! It will be so weird not to have my Caleb here. But, let's not talk about that or I will be sad!

Darth Vader's (aka Luke) birthday is in two weeks and to say that he is excited about his birthday party is the understatement of the year! That child is hilarious. I asked him today what kind of food he wants at his party and he said, "Cereal and chocolate milk!" That child seriously cracks me up!

Joseph finishes up this awful rotation this week and then returns home to the ER for the next couple of months. After the horrible hours on this past month, the ER hours look fabulous! This residency thing is so weird. In what other job would a wife be thrilled about a 60 hour work week?

One month down of intern year, ten more to go!!

I have been keeping a little secret from you all... I have been running...a lot lately. When I first started running, I could barely run 4 minutes! Then I worked my way up to a 12 minute mile (not breaking any Olympic records!) and then little by little I have been working my way up AND now am running 2 and a quarter miles!! And today I was averaging a little over 9 minutes a mile!! Still not breaking any Olympic records, but can I get some bloggy love anyway?! I am so proud of myself! My goal is 3 miles at an 8 minute a mile pace. Four months ago I never would have thought that possible, but now....I have hope!!

Well, I guess I should head to bed. I have some cute pictures of the Pigtail Twins and my fabulous friend's Baby Shower that I will post soon.

Sales and Tails

...are flying by in a flurry of activity!


This weekend my Mothers of Multiples group is having one of their sales. They have them twice a year and this is my second time selling. There is a lot that goes into it and I am selling quite a few things...



These are the girls winter clothes that they have outgrown. Yep, just their winter wear. And the shoes have never been worn. I haven't really been putting shoes on the girls until recently. And they love them!! Girlie's after my own heart!!


Tagging, hanging and getting all the clothes ready has been a feat and this weekend will be crazy because I have to set up for the sale tonight and then work it tomorrow. I'm already tired from the weekend and it hasn't even started!!


But here is something that makes me laugh and brings me more joy than you can imagine:
PIGTAILS!!! Can you say d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s?! I know some of you probably think, "Yeah, so what's the big deal?" The big deal is that for 6 years I have never been able to do "girl hair" and now I can!! After I made her pigtails I literally was squealing with excitement and joy! Even now, when I look at that sweet face I can't stop smiling! This is Ella by the way. I didn't get home last night with their little rubberbands until they were on their way to bed, so I just grabbed the twin closest to me to see if they had enough hair for pigtails. Have no fear, I'm positive that there will be many, many, many pictures of both Twinkies with their new do!!

2 sets of twins?

People ask me that question a lot. I just chuckle. It's not unheard of...there are quite a few women in my mother's of multiples group that have 2 sets of twins. I just laugh because look at them... One speaks better than the other, follows directions better that the other and is a head taller than the other.

Nope, they aren't twins, but there are many times that they wish they were!

A glimpse of my day through pictures...

Monday is laundry day here at the Mad house. With all of the laundry I do, and all the cute clothes my boys have, this is what they choose to wear - red socks with holes. Hmm...lovely.
This is what Luke begs, and I mean begs, me to take pictures of...lightsabers.
This was our mid-morning drama. Apparently Luke asked Caleb to draw him a picture of a leopard. So this is Caleb's interpretation of a leopard. Luke started crying and said, "that's not a leopard, that's a mini-van!" (Side note: Caleb is really a smart kid. He reads, he writes, but he is really NOT into art. He actually really dislikes coloring and drawing - a lot.)
This was the first drama of the day!! Caleb's tadpole, Taddy, died in the middle of the night. Apparently, that was a traumatizing sight for Caleb to wake and see. Caleb thinks Taddy's death was due to a lack of oxygen. I, personally think that it was due to a lightsaber that a certain 3-year-old-who-only-responds-to-Darth Luke was using.
Caleb wrote 2 notes to me and 1 to our neighbor to let us know that he was very upset about the death in our family. (Side note: isn't his writing really great for a child that isn't even in Kinder yet? I take little credit for the child that reads and writes...he's so self motivated and a miniature of his papa!)

And this, my friends, is where Caleb gets his artistic talents from. The above picture may look like it was drawn by a 5 year old, but alas it was drawn by the 5 year old's mama! Pretty pathetic, I know. My ego was stroked by a certain 3-year-old-who-only-responds-to-Darth Luke! He thought it looked really good and was excited to color it and draw it's spots! I was so happy that he didn't think it looked like a mini-van!!

Germs, germs and more germs!

This is sweet Lily Kate's favorite activity these days... If she sees the baby wipes box, she makes a beeline and has all of the wipes out of the box way faster than I can get 1 wipe out of the box. It's really quite something. After she pulls the wipes out, she proceeds to rip them to shreds. And I wonder why we go through 600+ wipes a month!!!

Poor Lily Kate has been so sick all weekend long! Last week she had high fever for days and then she got "the rash" also known as roseola. Poor thing was covered in a red, bumpy rash! And to top it all off, she has pink eye in both eyes and a cold!! She is a mess! So whiny, uncomfortable and sad. Poor, sweet baby!

Ella and Caleb also have pink eye and colds as well. Darth Luke has managed to escape illness... for now. I am sure that once everyone is better, he will get it. Hmm...lovely.

The girls have been sick for almost a week. It is really hard when the twins get sick and Joseph is working long hours. They both fuss and want to be held and it's exhausting. I am so thankful that my Mama came into town Saturday morning and helped out so much. Joseph spent most of the weekend at the hospital, and it would have been super hard without any help.

It makes me laugh that I am 31 years old and still need my Mama's help!!

Steven Curtis Chapman

Did any of you get a chance to watch Steven Curtis Chapman on Larry King Live last night? I had wanted to DVR it, but had forgotten so I caught it in segments on youtube. You can go here if you want to see all parts of it.

While watching it I was struck by what an amazing family this was. Steven and Mary Beth Chapman have raised incredible children who I was in awe of while watching them share what God has been doing in their lives during this difficult time. They were all so real and honest about their pain, but also unwavering in their faith.

If you have some time, I highly recommend watching it. You'll be encouraged!

Brotherly Love

When I was looking at the girls today I thought to myself, "How in the world did I get so blessed to have had twin girls?" They looked so cute standing at the coffee table, digging in a bag of Oreo's and laughing at one another. So cute!! How blessed am I?

I think that my boys feel the same way. (Well, maybe not Luke - he has no use for the girls since they can't play Star Wars!) Caleb is especially in love with his sisters. He's always playing games with them, trying to kiss and hold them and calling them his "princess babies". Here's a peek...

I love this picture! It was completely Caleb's idea. He put the babies in his lap and then told me to hurry and take a picture. Not the greatest quality, but still adorable!!

Caleb and Lily Kate.

Caleb and Ella.

And here is my other adorable child...

This child is something else. He is driving me crazy lately. Insane. He seriously is on another planet. Sometimes I wonder if he can hear me. If only the problem were that easy! Luke frustrates me and drives me crazy, but look at that face! And he is so charming!! He's going to be a slippery one...

This one is for you Lovey - (please print and refer to often)!!

(My amazing friend sent this to me and I loved it!)

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something , and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &?*% (In the south they would say, "Bless your little heart".)

(9) Don't worry about it, I've got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Bingo and Darth

Yesterday was busy and fun, but by the end of the day I was too tired to blog about it!

Most days in this house begin with craziness and yesterday was no exception. The day began with Caleb asking to be called Bingo and Luke wanted to be called Darth Vader. I've learned there are times when not to ask questions...

Joseph had the day off, his first in 10 days, and I needed him to watch the Darlings while I ran some serious errands. Yesterday was official get-ready-for-school-starting day. I went to Caleb's new school and wrote a hefty check to pay his tuition for the year. After a long drawn out discussion with myself, I also signed him up for the bus!

After leaving there, then I went to try to get Luke into Pre-K. That was exhausting and a whole other drawn out discussion with myself. A discussion that is still unresolved. That's the hard part when you talk to yourself.

I took the boys to the splash park where the lifeguard's whistle was constantly being blown at Luke. There is a no running rule. Problematic for a child that only has two modes - running or falling on the floor.

We left there early because I was sick of yelling, "Luke, no running."

After a brief stop at home to drop Luke off, Caleb and I went to the school uniform store to buy his school uniforms. He was thrilled!!! Completely, totally absolutely thrilled to get his uniforms!

Yesterday marked 3 weeks until my firstborn goes to Kindergarten. Such a bittersweet time in my life. On one hand I am so excited for him because words cannot convey how over-the-top he is about starting school. Daily he talks about the magical date of August 25th and "kinder"! I'm happy for him. But I am also sad for me. I will miss that child. Tremendously. He is difficult, moody and at times my most difficult child, but he is mine and I adore him. And a part of me is missing when he isn't here. Big Sigh...

After that, I went to the gym and then we all went to our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. The kids were extremely well behaved and, as usual, the food was fab!

And that was our busy day. Joseph hates those days off, where I run errands, so I try not to do them very often. It had to be done yesterday.

That was my day in a nutshell.

Oh, yeah and I stepped down as coordinator for Military MOPS... but that is another story!!

Mama to the rescue!

Joseph's schedule has been brutal!! B-R-U-T-A-L! Late last Wednesday night, after Lovey had been at work for 16 hours, I decided that I was going to my mom's house for the weekend. He was going to be working even longer over the weekend, so Joseph encouraged me to get out of Dodge and get some reprieve at my mama's house. Much needed R & R!

We are blessed in so many ways and one of the ways that we are most blessed is to have family that lives 3 short hours away. For a military family that is very rare. I am so thankful that I will have a place to run to when things get hard (and I am sure they will get hard) over the next 3 years of residency!

My mom's house is fabulous and oh-so-fun for the kids. She has closets (did you get the plural of that?) of toys for the kids. She is fun, very hands-on, has a great park in her backyard, the neighborhood pool is 5 houses down and she spoils the children rotten. Totally rotten. And they (including mama!) love every moment of it!!

Mom's house is fabulous too. The boys have a room, the girls have a room and I have a room of my own! A room that I used to sleep in ('sleeping in' is sleeping until 9!!) this morning while my mom took care of my kids. Isn't she amazing? She also took care of my kids while I went to lay out by the pool for a couple of hours!!

Yeah, being here is so much better than being at home and by myself on a weekend. So much better!

Conversations with a man trying to save lives

The following is a conversation (not word-for-word, but very close) that I had with my hubba while he was at work the other day. I just wanted to show you the kinda craziness that my man has to deal with on a regular basis because I think that the sun, moon and stars revolve around me.

(ring-ring-ring)

Lovey: Hello
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Lovey: Drowning with too many patients and not enough time.
Me: Oh, well I have some things that I have been thinking about. I think...
(beep, beep, beep)
Me: Is that your pager?
Lovey: Yeah, hold on a sec...

(In the back ground I hear, "This is Dr. Mad. Did someone page me? Uh, huh. Okay, I'll be there in a few.)

Lovey: Sorry about that.
Me: That's fine. Anyway I was thinking that we should really consider paying for Caleb to take the bus next year. I mean, I just...
(beep, beep, beep)
Me: Is that your pager again?
Lovey: Yeah. It's crazy around here.
Me: Anyway, I was saying that I know it's a lot of money for him to...
Lovey: I've been saying we should have him ride the bus from the beginning. Hold on a sec.

(In the back ground I hear, "This is Dr. Mad. Did someone page me? Okay, just give him ____ cc's of ____ and I will be there in a few.)

Lovey: Sorry about that. Babes, I trust you. Do whatever you think is best.
Me: Well, I don't want to be wasteful with our money...
(beep, beep, beep)
Lovey: I'm sorry Babes, I'm a little busy right now..
Me: That's okay, do you think that he should ride one way or both ways? I was thinking that I...
(beep, beep, beep) ...could take him in the am and the bus...
Lovey: Seriously, Babes, I've gotta go. Can I call you later and we can talk about this then?
Me: I just had a couple more thoughts.

(In the background I hear him talking to Nurse Betty)

Me: Are you there? Are you ignoring me?
Lovey: No Babes. Does this decision have to be made tonight?
Me: No.
Lovey: When does it have to be made?
Me: In a couple of weeks. But I thought we should start... (beep, beep, beep) ...thinking about it now.
Lovey: Alright, I will think about it as I walk to my patient's room and give you a call in a few.
Me: Hmmm. I've heard that line before. Alright. I love you.
Lovey: I love you (beep, beep, beep) too.

H-E-L-P

I love how you guys come out of the woodwork when I have a question and I am hoping that you will do so again.

There are two problems that are overshadowing other real issues in my life. The refridgerator and chicken.

I have some issues when it come to the refrigerator. I feel like I am constantly throwing things out for fear of food poisoning.

1. The big rule, above all rules, is that nothing goes into the fridge uncovered! Ever.


2. I don't like to cover things with saran wrap. Leftover food needs to be in some sort of container with a lid.


3. I never put metal utensils in the fridge.


4. I really dislike it when The Love puts open cans with a rubber band securing the saran wrap in the fridge!


5. I don't eat leftovers if they have been in the fridge longer than a day.

And the list goes on and on. I won't even go into my bizzar-o issues with having a fridge that is organized by height and grouped by type of food!

Here are my questions: How long do you keep cooked chicken in the fridge before throwing it out? How long do you keep uncooked chicken in the fridge? Is it okay to thaw meat and then refreeze it with out cooking it? Generally, how long do you keep things in the fridge?

Help a girl out!!

1 down, 6 more to go!

Joseph pulled his first call of residency last night. It wasn't bad at all. For me that is. Poor man was up for 32 hours straight. I hate that. I hate the thought of him driving home after being awake for so long. He got home, slept for 2 hours and then took over with the kids so that I could get a break and go for a run. The man is amazing.


The kids and I have been super busy. I feel so blessed that we have so many friends to go and hang out with while Joseph is working such long hours. The nights are and have always been the hardest. Satan really attacks the kids and I at night when Joseph is gone. I was praying for Caleb last night, around 11:30pm, and in the middle of my prayer I heard crying from the boys room. I assumed that it was Luke becuase it is rarely Caleb. When I got in their room it was Caleb crying and saying that he was scared. I asked him if he wanted me to pray with him and he said yes. I did and then prayed over his room and the whole house.

The kids slept well, I on the other hand did not. I don't without my Love.

I also feel blessed that he only has 6 months of call over the next 3 years! Some of my friend have hubby's that pull call 9 months a year!! That would be so hard and I am thankful that we don't have to do that.

Joseph only has 6 more calls this month. Yeah baby!!

The other blogger in the family...

...has updated his blog.

That boy seriously cracks me up!! He has been wanting to update his blog, but always asks when I am in the middle of something - changing a diaper, making dinner, taking a shower!...

We found some time today, which was a good thing because he was sure that everyone was checking his blog and super disappointed that he hadn't updated it! (Poor child lives under the same delusions as his mama!)

If you have time, go check him out (link on the side) and leave him some love!

I need to stop wasting time at night!!!

Well, we finished season 4 of Lost!! It was so good. People, seriously, this is the best show ever!

And now I feel a little..lost! I miss the all my new friends.

Kate, Sawyer, Jack, Hurley, Sayid, Sun, Jin, and even you, Locke...I miss you guys. I can't believe that I have to wait until "Early 2009" until I see you all again. For some strange reason I thought we were better friends than that. I admit that I got way too immersed into your lives, but that's what happens when I spend at least 2 hours a night, for over a month, with you all. I love you guys and will miss you. Please don't feel betrayed, but I have a secret to tell you...

I found some new friends. Don't get me wrong, they are no where near as cool as you guys are and so far I am not as impressed with their story as I am with yours. With that said, I am only 4 hours into their 24 hour story. And I am going back to moviebuster to get the next 4 hours. We'll see... They have taken the edge off of my sadness of getting to see you guys!

I have time and am feeling random!

Even as we speak, or I type and you skim/read, this is what my boys are doing:

Wonder what could possibly have my two very active mini-men in a complete coma-like trance? Two words baby - Star Wars!! Since the Daddy will be working so much I promised the boys that we would rent all the Star Wars dvd's in order. They love it!!! LOVE IT!

So, when I feel like I am turning into a 'momster', I get a much needed reprieve from the brother drama by sticking in the dvd. Two downsides: 1. They want me to watch them too. (which isn't so much a downside because they don't care what I do, as long as I stay in the room with them - I think they get a little scared.) 2. After the movie we have to play Star Wars until it's time for them to go to bed. (I'm usually, uh-hmm, Yoda, Caleb is Ani and Luke loves -and I mean LOVES- to be Darth Vadar. This is bad because -as with most boy games- it ends with someone getting hurt.)

In case you were curious my friends, that is what the Mad House is looking like this fine Saturday.

*******************************************************************************

Yesterday was Joseph's first day in the most dreaded rotation of the year. And, completely unsurprisingly, it was as long and painful as he thought it would be. The good news is that it reaffirmed his decision to be an ER doc and made him so thankful that he got into the program.

I did not find it that bad at all. And I even added to our chaos here by letting the boys each have a friend over most of the day. The boys that came over are 3 and 6 (and brothers!) so that was especially fun for the boys.

After their mom came to get them, I loaded up the kids and took the to the gym. We have been members of 3 different gyms since we got here and the one that we are currently members of is my favorite by far. It is a brand new YMCA that has a climbing wall for the kids, a very cool tree house, a place for kids 3-6 and a special place for kids 2 and under. For kids 7-12 is this whole other room that is super cool. The child care workers are always doing fun projects with the kids and reading to them or playing with them. It's really amazing! And the best part is that the kids love it! They beg to go and are sad when it's time to leave. All this and it is less than 5 minutes from my house!

And this my friends is thrilling for me! The hours from 4-6pm are the hardest for me when Joseph works long hours or is on call. Yesterday it worked perfectly to head out to the gym after the girls afternoon nap and by the time we got home it was time to eat dinner and then get the girls ready for bed. My hardest time of the day was a breeze thanks to the gym. And I got a great, long workout in! This is a very good thing my friends. Very good indeed!

At the Y, they are also putting in a spash park for kids and building a new pool. It will be done the first of August and that will also give us some place to go and something to do while Joseph is working his long hours.

Love the Y!!

******************************************************************************

Another thing that has been keeping us busy is SeaWorld. We have a membership there and live fairly close, so that has been something fun to do this summer. We go a lot and you would think that I would know every nook and cranny there, but last week our friends introduced us to this perfect spot in the water park for kids my kiddo's ages. It was perfect for those times that I take the all the kids to the waterpark by myself.

Here are some cute pictures from a couple of weeks ago when we went as a family:

I love this picture of Luke all my himself in the sandbox at SeaWorld. This child could play by himself for hours. He is so different from his brother.

The brothers.

Note to myself

I seriously have a bazillion things to do (don't I always say that?) but my house is so quiet, more quiet than it has been in days (my boys are at school and girlies are napping) and there is this fabulous, much needed rain outside - perfect napping and/or blogging conditions.

I am thrilled that it is raining for many reasons. First, and foremost, I love the rain. We live in a very dry area and it hardly ever rains, which has made me appreciate rain all the more. Our grass was desperate for rain. Desperate.

As I was driving up to my house today, I was thinking that the lawn didn't look too bad. There are other lawns around me that look worse. That was until I got up close for a more accurate inspection and realized that it was bad. Most of the green was weeds and the grass was dry and brittle.

When I thought about it for a moment, I realized that my grass was a perfect analogy for my faith. From afar it doesn't look too bad, especially when I compare it to someone else (isn't that the interesting thing about comparison's? you can always find someone worse off), but up close my faith is dry and brittle.

It's so easy to get to a point where you can talk the talk and things look good on the outside, but when I look into my heart (and I don't even have to look very deep!) there is so much that screams, "Do you really know the power of Jesus?" All the insecurities, self doubt, control, anger, anxieties, perfectionism..yuck! I leave it all at the cross and then a couple of days later go back and retrieve them.

When Joseph is around, life is much easier. Joseph has been around a lot. Since April he has barely worked. In April was super light, in May he didn't work, in June he was home everyday before 2pm and this month he maybe works 40 hours a week. 40 hours a week is hardly working in a world where 80 hours is the norm.

Tomorrow he starts back to the real world. And I am terrified. And sad.

I love my man. He is so helpful around the house and works hard to make life easier on me. It's been so nice having him home every weekend and at night for dinner. We have had so much fun watching the Lost series together (BTW - we are almost at the season finale for season 4!) every night, going to the gym together (he kicks my butt!) and just having family time. All that will change drastically tomorrow and will stay that way for the next 3 years. And I am mourning that. I'm sad, angry and scared.

What if I can't do it by myself? Driving everyone to all their events, taking care of 4 kids by myself, schools, homework, soccer, piano, bible studies, laundry, playgroups, MOPS, church...all on my own. I can't have any expectations that Joseph will help me because when I have expectations, I get angry. It's better to have no expectations.

I am way too reliant and dependant on Joseph and I know it. I always have been and believe it or not, I am getting better and not nearly as obsessed with needing him as I once was.

See what I mean? Dry and brittle. If my heart knew the power of Jesus, I would know that I am not alone. His power is made perfect in my weakness. God alone is the solid rock on which I stand, not Joseph. Joseph isn't supposed to be. My head knows all these things, but my heart is having a hard time keeping up.

And that is why I am not only thankful for the rain outside, but also for this time where God is pouring down His grace to a mama who wants to take a deep drink from living water. And needs a deep drink. And am writing this to look back and remind myself in those hard moments, because there will be hard moments, that the one who will calm my waters, and fill my cup is Christ alone. And not to expect Joseph to do those things. He is a precious gift, but not supposed to be the source of my strength.

So for the love of all, Sabrina, give the man a break! Your expectations are too high and in the wrong place anyway! In Christ alone. Say it to yourself, "In Christ alone." Good girl. Now, stay away from the chocolate!