So remember I told you that my kids are being difficult this week? I wasn't kidding. It was a really hard week. Trying to recover from lack of naps, getting back into a routine, not having many play dates...I'm not sure what exactly the problem is, but there is definitely a problem. And I don't know how to fix it.
I spent some time on the phone with the-mom-that-I-want-to-be-like-but-am-not-even-close, My Michele, and begged her to tell me what in the world I am doing wrong. She lovingly laughed at me and said (what she always says!), "Nothing! Your kids are delightful and beautiful and you are going a great job." Humph. Their behavior begs to differ. She also did another thing that she always does with me when I call in angst over my Darlings, she prayed with me. And her prayers are so real and honest. Listening to her pray to Father is... Words can't describe. I can only tell you that I wish I knew God in that way.
Back to my kiddo's - I am having such a hard time loving them in a way that they understand. Life is full of demands, I have 4 kids, my lists are long and my days are short. My four baby loves have different needs and receive love in different ways. And I'm doing a poor job meeting those needs and loving in those ways. Very poor job.
Caleb, ever so sensitive. That sweet boy reads me like a book. He is so perceptive. And verbal. He has been telling me, "I need loved on" or "I'm not feeling loved" all the time lately. Lord, please show me how to love that boy. In ways that he'll understand and will be real to him.
And Luke...I know I say it all the time, but that child is so sweet and charming and defiant and stubborn and adorable and funny and rough and so whiny these days. I don't know what to do with him.
And then Lily Kate and Ella - their needs are so basic, but now that they are both everywhere they have become difficult and demanding. I constantly have to keep a watch on them and make sure that they aren't putting all the dangerous things that a house with 2 older brothers has to offer. We are working hard to train boundaries now and know that it will pay off later.
All this to say that this mommy business is hard and having more kids than you have hands doesn't make it any easier. And that God knows when we need grace, a sprinkle or a shower, and he'll provide it when we need it the most. He gave me a sprinkle the other day when I was so parched and dry. And that sprinkle sustains me to continue this task that He hand-picked me to do...be mom to my four little lovies. He hand-picked me and I pray that he will continue to equip me. This I most certainly believe.