Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Can I get an AMEN?!

(I got this from my friend Susanna today in an email and it made me laugh out loud...a lot! It is so true!! Susanna is AMAZING! She is pregnant with her 7th child, and her oldest is maybe 9? I highlighted her comments in green.)
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
6th baby: You can't remember the last time you didn't wear a nursing a bra.
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Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
6th baby: You go ahead and sign up for a private room for baby number 7 before you take the baby home.
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The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
6th baby: You mean you have to dress a baby?
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Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
6th baby: The baby cries for a hour before you realize what that noise is.
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Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
6th baby: You just pop it back in.
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Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
6th baby: You get the older ones to change it when they come tell you it's leaking or it fell off.
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Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
6th baby: You stay home as much as possible because it takes an hour to answer everyone who comments on how many kids you have.
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Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
6th baby: You tell them to call only if death is involved.
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At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
6th baby: You threaten the children with death if they dare disturb you during nap/quiet time.
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Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
6th baby: There are no coins to swallow because they all got spent on groceries!
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Illness and Accidents:
1st baby: You call the doctor at the first sign of any temp over 98.6. You call your nurse friend immediately if any blood is visible.
2nd baby: You call if the fever lasts more than a day or if there is major blood involved.
3rd baby: You call if the fever last for a week or if the blood won't stop after an hour.
6th baby: You call if the baby passes out. You pull a 2 1/2 inch piece of spaghetti out of the baby's nose from dinner the night before and, after praising God she didn't get it in her lungs and end up with pneumonia because then you'd have to go to the doctor) you call your husband to tell him how cool/gross it was! (This really happened this morning)

3 comments:

Sarah said...

We did a skit with this at MOPS, and I about fell out of my chair! It's so true!

Miriam said...

This is hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing. I feel like on some of the stuff I'm already on baby #3 mentality with our girls...can't imagine how I'll be once we have more children!!!

Sincerely Anna said...

Oh that is so funny!