I never remember being told that I was adopted, I just always knew. One of my earliest memories is being told that I was special because I was born into my mom's heart (told to me by my mama with lots of tears and adoration - and still is told to me often by her!). Another early memory I have, of the whole adoption thing, is a book that they used to read to me about a little girl who was adopted and how much her parents love her. She was cute, went to the zoo and got ice cream. Seemed good to me! My adoption has always been a positive thing and I thank my parents for handling it so well and giving me nothing but good memories about it.
Every year, from as far back as I can remember, we have celebrated my "Adoption Birthday" the same as if it were my actual birthday. That was super cool as a kid to have 2 birthday's and get gifts twice.
I have never been bothered by the fact that I am the only one in my family that is adopted. We never made it a secret, but I wasn't ever treated any less by anyone in my family or made to feel like I wasn't any more important than my siblings. I thought it was cool that I was adopted. And that was really the only thoughts that I have had about it until I got pregnant with Caleb.
I distinctly remember the first time that I felt him move. Prior to that I'm not sure that the pregnancy felt real. But once he kicked me, I immediately fell in love with that child. He was real, mine and I loved him so much. After feeling those thoughts, my next thought was about my birth mom. How amazing she must have been to carry me in her belly, feel me move and love me enough to want something more for me. Joseph held me that night as I cried tears for my birth mom. You can't carry someone in your womb and not become attached to that little being. And then to have to part ways with them and never know what happened - I just can't imagine anything more difficult. And that broke my heart for her. It was the first time I had thought about it from her point of view and the first time I had considered how hard that must have been for her.
I don't know anything about her and have never tried to find any information. Occasionally I think about it, but you just never know about those kind of things. She may have moved on and doesn't want to go back to that place in her life. Maybe she's married and her new husband knows nothing about the adoption. It's funny, when I was little I would sometimes think about it and wonder if maybe she was a queen somewhere and lived in a palace. Maybe... But probably not.
The one thing about my adoption that bothers me is that I don't know much about my nationality or any hereditary issues. And when I was a kid, although people always said I looked like my mom or brother, I always wanted to have someone that was blood related to me and looked like me. And after I had Luke, I saw lots of me (from my baby pictures) in that kid. That was super fun! To finally have people in my life that were blood related to me was an interesting feeling. An exciting feeling. A 'full circle' moment.
Lovey dislikes my adoption birthday. Okay, he doesn't dislike - he's jealous. Very jealous. He wants presents. Too bad, so sad, I tell him. You are not adopted! And after 7 years, one would think that he would remember when it is, but they would be wrong. He never remembers. This year was no exception. And instead of knowing that he would forget, then waiting all day (knowing that he has forgotten!) and then being mad because he forgot my special day - I just decided not to play the game this year and I reminded him last night. Yeah, I figure year 7 is the year that
Today he got off work before noon and came home with a very fun surprise:
It is the ring that I have been wanting for a long time!! It's called the 'Mother's Love Ring' and it is made by my favorite jeweler! In my little world, this gift makes up for the last 6 years of forgetting.
Lovey also had the boys sign my card and it was fun talking to them about my adoption. Caleb knows I'm adopted and I have explained what that means to him. Today, though, I also reminded him that he is adopted too! I asked him if he knew how to be adopted in God's family. It opened up a great dialogue for Joseph and I to have with Caleb about God's love for him. Then Luke was so cute - he said he wanted to be adopted by God too!! Love it!!
Our big theological moment was abruptly ended when the boys decided it was time to play "Goldfish" (Go Fish)! A great ending to my special day!
Side note: When I was a kid, my brother used to try to make me mad by telling me that mom and dad weren't my real mom and dad and that nobody wanted me and that's why they gave me away. I would retort back, that at least mom got to choose me...she got stuck with him. Oh, brothers...