Seeing and still not believing

Have you ever asked God for something specific? I don't usually. I think there are many reasons that I don't - I'm afraid He'll say no or worse, I'm afraid that He won't say anything at all. So I typically ask, but don't expect much to happen. This morning was different. I prayed, or maybe implored is a better word, hard for something.

I'm getting discouraged with MOPS. Some things are taking forever and others aren't happening at all. I feel like I'm in a canoe, on a stage 4 rapids, without a paddle and although my destination is upstream, I can see it but just can't get there. I am using my arms as paddles and just keep moving farther and farther away from my destination. How'd you like that word picture?

When I was asked about being Coordinator of this group, I knew that it would be hard, but this is really hard. And we haven't even started yet. And I'm getting discouraged. I'm not good with adversity. Actually I tend to run from adversity. Fast.

So in my quiet time this morning I was praying for MOPS. I know that this ministry is God's. And I know that this ministry is amazing and I believe in MOPS. I'm just not sure that this is where God wants me. So I asked Him to show me that I'm in His will. I don't want to be out of His will. I have been there before and it isn't a good place. Not good at all. So I prayed that God would let me know if this is where I am supposed to be. I asked Him specifically to please bring me a Steering Team Member. I knew that this would have to be God because I have hit a road block when it comes to finding people. I have tapped all my resources and don't even know who else to ask.

So after praying, I was feeling optimistic and hopeful about MOPS. And then the rest of the day happened.

Two, not-so-good, long phone calls left me feeling completely defeated and ready to give up. I was in the middle of telling my friend this when I got a call on the other line. It was another Steering Team member calling to tell me that she found someone who is interested in one of the positions that we have open.

I was shocked. And then responded (the way I tend to and I can't stand) with, "Well that's nice, but the job that she wants isn't one of the harder ones that I would like filled. If God was behind this he would have sent me someone for the job that is causing me most angst right now."

UGH!! Will I ever learn? I am as bad as my children wanting everything my way, right away and so ungrateful. It drives me crazy about my children, but I need not wonder where they get that attitude.

I am reading through the Old Testament right now, and I am always marveling at how dumb the people are. Seriously, the OT is full of people who are slow, ungrateful, impatient, rebellious, controlling, and completely unfaithful and distrusting in the God of the universe. They irritate me and as I read I think, "Why are you people so dense?"

If others read my life story, they would probably say the same thing.

Thankfully, God is still faithful when I'm not and slow to anger and full of love.

Exodus 34:6 (New Living Translation)
6 The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out,
“Yahweh! The Lord!
The God of compassion and mercy!
I am slow to anger
and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.